Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
