you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
