I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
