Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
