drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
