What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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