i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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