Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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