you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
