I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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