yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
