So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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