I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
