Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
