I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
