Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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