dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
