is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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