So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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