Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
