After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
