so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
