I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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