The maid of honor just puked.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
