Define "chronic" masturbator.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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