get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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