remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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