I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
