I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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