be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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