and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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