I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We talked him into tasing himself.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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