420 ftw
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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