I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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