grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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