Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's blow job season.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
