This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
