If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
