I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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