im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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