you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
