I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Alive.
So much puke
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got inside last night via doggy door
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
