Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
