I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
