Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
