I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
