i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
