So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
