I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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