Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
