Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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