false alarm. still invincible.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
